You may or may not have noticed my absence the last three weeks or so. If you follow me on Instagram then you will already know that my beautiful mummy and best friend lost her fight with cancer on the 20th January.

The woman who is why I am “What Saysie Makes”. Saysie was the pet name she gave me when I was a baby, she bought me my first sewing machine and taught me how to use it, and fed my supply of fabrics and notions. She encouraged me and supported me every step of the way. The person I could chat endlessly about sewing and fabrics, who read my blog and would always send a little message about it.

A doting Nana to her only grand-daughter, my best friend and the best mummy anyone could ask for. Heaven has gained a super special angel and is so lucky to have her. My heart is in a million broken pieces and I don’t know how to handle this pain.

My only solace is to know that after an epically long and courageous battle she is no longer in any pain or suffering. The last week of her life I watched as she faded away from me and that’s when I truly learnt about heartbreak 💔

Two weeks on and it’s still such a shock, even though she’s battled this for years, even though we were told at new year there was nothing more they could do to treat the cancer and she had 2-3 weeks, even though when she was taken into hospital and they took me into a little room to tell me they were withdrawing all treatment, even though I sat by her bed for a week holding her hand watching the painkillers and sedatives getting stronger and stronger it’s still such a shock.

Goodbye my beautiful mummy I will miss you till my very last day 💖

My posts may be a little erratic these next few weeks, I’m sure you will understand. I do however have some drafts that were due to be published during this time that I hope to catch up with soon.