My 5th Mother’s day as a mummy but my first without mine. I know this day is going to be difficult, even though I know I will be surrounded by lots of love. I’ve struggled with the run up to it, seeing the shops full of cards and gifts, it’s like salt in a very open wound. Not to mention the memories of mother’s day’s gone by. 

I thought I’d use this day to share some words I read out at her funeral. (Sorry not the most upbeat of posts for a special day is it!?)

It is not easy for me to speak in public, heck I get nervous talking to more than one pair of eyes! I had already decided that I wouldn’t want to say anything at her funeral, that I’d be too upset. However I came across the most beautiful poem online, it struck such a cord with me and even though I am not the most religious of people, I knew I had to be brave and read it out loud.

God saw you getting tired,
When a cure was not to be.
So He wrapped his arms around you,
and whispered, “Come to me”.
You didn’t deserve what you went through,
So He gave you rest.
God’s garden must be beautiful,
He only takes the best
And when I saw you sleeping,
So peaceful and free from pain
I could not wish you back
To suffer that again.

Every word rang true to me, so it had to come from me, I didn’t feel like I could ask anyone else to read it, it was my final words to my beautiful mummy. 

When I stood at the front, I kept my eyes down at my little piece of paper with those words written on it. With a shaky voice and tears in my eyes I read it out loud. I know she would have been proud of me for doing it, another reason I wanted to do it, to make her proud. She would have known how hard I would find it. I do wish that I had looked up out to the congregation though, to all our friends and family and her colleagues. I will regret that, the truth is, I knew if I looked up and saw all those lovely faces there for my mum I would break down and not manage what I had to say.

I follow a lovely local lady on Instagram who makes the most delicious cakes. Alex’s Cake Creation’s. She posted a lovely gift idea for a Mother’s Day Grazing Box, filled with yummy cakes and treats. I felt a pang when I saw it, I would have loved to have bought this for my mum and shared the treats with her. One our favourite things to do was have a cup of tea and cake together. Well I thought to myself why not order one anyway!? On behalf of Mabel of course! I shall eat these cakes and raise a glass of Prosecco and think of you mummy.

Happy Mother’s Day Mum, you are one in a million! Hope you’re having lots of fun with Grandma. At least you are safe from the craziness down here!!

When I first started writing this post, social distancing hadn’t been fully declared. So I know this day is now going to be difficult for a lot of you who are not getting to see your children or mother’s. Big hugs to you all. Thank goodness for modern technology and things like Skype and Facetime.